| I once took a vacation during which my regular | | | | if I sat back down in the middle of those crowded |
| method of handling claustrophobia on plane trips | | | | seats? |
| utterly failed. I have been successful with short | | | | I was afraid that I would flail my arms around and |
| trips by always getting an aisle seat and | | | | scream! Okay, I reasoned to myself, but all of |
| concentrating on a good book. But this was a | | | | that is just behavior, isn't it? And I'm sure I can |
| six-hour flight to Hawaii and I was stuck in the | | | | control my behavior so that I do not do that. |
| center of five seats in the middle of a fully loaded | | | | Yes, I decided, I could depend upon my earnest |
| plane. At first I concentrated on my book, but | | | | commitment to not flail my arms around or |
| little doubts kept creeping into my concentration | | | | scream. |
| until I started to panic. | | | | So what did that leave? The terror. Yes, I could |
| Every atom of my body was screaming, I HAVE | | | | do nothing to prevent the terror. I would feel like |
| TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!! I forced myself to | | | | I was dying. I would feel like I couldn't breathe. |
| wait until the seat-belt sign had been turned off, I | | | | Well, I further reasoned, that is all just feeling, isn't |
| excused myself by the other two passengers, | | | | it? I just have to stand the physical pain of that |
| and I BOLTED into the aisle. SAVED! I walked up | | | | terror. I have to control my behavior and just |
| and down the aisle for a while and did not have | | | | feel the terror, just sit there quietly, even if I |
| the courage to return to my seat. They served | | | | pass out, or die if that is my fate. I decided I |
| breakfast and though I was hungry, I still couldn't | | | | could also commit to that. |
| take my seat. I was miserable. | | | | I sat back down, buckled myself in and prepared |
| My back started to hurt and so I sat down on | | | | to feel the most absolute terror of my life. I |
| the floor in the only available space I could find, | | | | opened myself up to whatever pain would come. |
| which was near the lavatories. But the smell was | | | | I was absolutely determined to bear the most |
| terrible and people started giving me odd and | | | | unimaginably painful feelings, whatever they were. |
| annoyed looks for which I could hardly blame | | | | Then, the most amazing thing happened. No |
| them. There were dozens of people perfectly fine | | | | terror came. Not even the smallest tinge of it. I |
| in their seats. I was the only nut-case sitting down | | | | completed the rest of the flight in complete |
| on the dirty floor where people were having to | | | | comfort. Now and then I invited the pain and |
| step over me. I began to be ashamed to behave | | | | terror if it wanted to come. But it never did. |
| so ignominiously. | | | | I think the whole key was to separate the gestalt |
| When the aisles were cleared from breakfast, I | | | | of panic into its plain, more user-friendly |
| walked up and down for a while longer and then I | | | | concomitants of behavior and feeling. Looking at |
| tried to sit in the pull-down stewardess seat but I | | | | the separate parts of my panic gave me a clue |
| was admonished it was against regulations. | | | | as to how to proceed. I saw the panic in terms |
| My back was starting to hurt again from standing | | | | of tasks to accomplish, rather than fear to |
| for 3 hours, and I started to think about my | | | | succumb to. I could see that, although it might be |
| situation. I guessed I could stand up for another | | | | difficult and painful, it was possible for me to |
| three hours. But what kind of a fake was I that I | | | | control my behavior and keep myself from |
| was writing a book about how to control your | | | | screaming or flailing my arms around. |
| own brain, and I couldn't even control my own | | | | And it was also possible to bear any pain that my |
| claustrophobia? | | | | feelings were going to inflict upon me. After all, |
| I began to study my situation, earnestly, in terms | | | | they were MY feelings, weren't they? What could |
| of what was the fear about. Not why was I | | | | my own feelings do to me, really? In two weeks, |
| afraid but what, exactly, was I afraid of? I | | | | I would have to return from Hawaii. I determined |
| thought that I could control myself long enough to | | | | to seek out the terror again and see what more |
| belt myself in for a landing, but I wanted to do | | | | work I had to do, or what new tortures my |
| better than that if I could. I didn't want to be a | | | | terror would teach me. |
| phony who wrote books advising people to do | | | | On my return trip, I found I had been given an |
| what I cannot do myself. Was I going to put my | | | | aisle seat and I was tempted to let it go at that. |
| money where my mouth was or what? | | | | But because I felt obligated to finish this story for |
| I didn't try to search for anything rational. I was | | | | my book, however it turned out, I told the clerk I |
| pretty sure that my terror was totally irrational. | | | | was working on my claustrophobia so would she |
| My former success with claustrophobia, I now | | | | please give me the worst crowded-up inside seat |
| realized, was limited. I could handle short flights in | | | | she could. |
| a three-seat flying situation where I had an aisle | | | | Again I settled down quite prepared to feel the |
| seat. | | | | terror NO MATTER WHAT! In the beginning I got |
| In a crowded auto I learned that I could control | | | | just a few tendrils of panic and again I opened |
| my panic if I could sit on the very edge of the | | | | myself up to whatever horror of terror would be |
| seat, where my arms and legs were not confined, | | | | visited upon me. The tendrils of panic just faded |
| and lean into the space between the two front | | | | out to nothing. I felt perfectly comfortable the |
| seats. Luckily I am not a large person, so I could | | | | whole trip. And I have never suffered from |
| usually maneuver a workable position. | | | | claustrophobia since. |
| But this was the middle seat of five, in a totally | | | | With the earnest desire and courage to do so, we |
| full airplane. There was no extra space to utilize, | | | | can literally transform our lives. Of course to |
| and I was terrified. Over the years I had just | | | | earnestly determine to change our life, we have |
| naturally avoided situations which would be this | | | | to have the courage to risk our own life. At the |
| uncomfortable. But not this time. I had received | | | | last it always comes to that. For real core change, |
| my comeuppance. I was thinking about all these | | | | for real freedom from our fears, addictions and |
| things while I was also trying to study my current | | | | anxiety we need the courage to stick to our |
| situation. What exactly was I afraid would happen | | | | principles even at the risk of our life. |